My decision to become a stay-at-home mom was not one that I took lightly, and one that I still find myself thinking about all the time. I never wanted to stay home and I always pictured myself working. This is no disrespect to anyone that had that dream, it just wasn’t mine. I had a successful career in accounting and was an accounting manager at a major Fortune 500 company when I got pregnant with our first child. I took a 12 week maternity leave with every intention of going back to work when it was over. But when I had our daughter, everything changed. I wanted to stay home with her (and I felt this in my gut), but there are so many things to consider and I went back and forth on it a million times. If this is a situation you find yourself in, I hope you find this post helpful. Here are some things that I considered before putting in my notice, some advice for you, and also some things that I wish I would have known.
What I Considered Before Staying Home:
- We had a financial goal in mind of what we wanted my husband to make before I would stay home with our kids and he was at that goal before we had our first child. If he had not hit that goal, I would not have started staying home. We did not want to sacrifice our lifestyle (meals out, vacations, etc.) to have me stay at home. I get why this would not be a consideration for others, but this was important to us.
- I thought about all of the options for me at my job as an accounting manager, including going part time (either 80% or 60%) or whether I could job share with another accounting manager. This was 2019 (pre-pandemic) and working remotely was not an option at this time. I’m not sure if this piece would have been different had we had our first child in 2020 or later. Ultimately, my boss and I looked at different options and I couldn’t picture myself doing any of the options.
- Both my husband and I have family locally that would have been our daycare. Both of our moms would have split the days and cared for our baby full-time so that I could work. This was a great option (and obviously free). I knew that I could work and have our baby with one of our moms (and also not have to pay for it!) This was a really intriguing option.
- I thought a lot about my spouse and our family and what this decision would mean for all of us. My husband would have preferred that I continue working (for various reasons), but he supports me in all of my decisions and I knew ultimately it was up to me to do what I wanted to do.
- I went with my gut. I never thought of myself as a stay-at-home mom, but when our first child was born, I just felt called to stay home with her and felt like that was what I was supposed to do. Simple as that!
Advice For Anyone Making This Decision:
- Talk to other stay-at-home moms (maybe even your own mom?) and hear some of the pros and cons. There are definitely trade offs and you have to be okay with the good and bad.
- It doesn’t have to be forever. Maybe you want to stay home with your kids for a few years? You could stay home with them until preschool, or until kindergarten, or until high school or college! But ultimately it’s doesn’t have to be a forever thing and you truly can have it both ways.
- Think about financials but also remember that it’s not all about financials. If what you make is less than what daycare costs, then it obviously makes sense to stay home. That being said, money isn’t everything. We are NOT saving money by doing this. I had a high level position and we walked away from a money to be able to have me stay home.
- My blog and Instagram are my “side hustle” and I like that I have that and it’s all mine. Although I am a full-time mom, during naps and in the evenings I like to devote myself to this and I like that it feels like I still “work.” This is a part-time job, and I like to have this outlet for myself and I like to be creative.
- You must think about leaving your career, whether you can easily come back, if you need to keep a license active, etc. I was someone that was very focused on climbing the corporate ladder and it was hard to step away from that knowing that I may not get back to it.
What I wish I Would Have Known:
- You’re the only adult most of the time, and you need to be used to spending time “alone.” It can be very isolating being the only adult around.
- You are their teacher. You have to teach them, plan activities, be creative, etc. (just like a daycare would!) Taking care of a baby is easy (in a lot of ways) but when our daughter turned one, I was like whoa okay what am I doing here? I’m an accountant (not a teacher) and I need to figure out how to do this!
- Being a stay-at-home mom is not just taking care of kids, it usually involves running the errands, cleaning, etc. I made my decision based on wanting to spend more time with our daughter but never saw myself as the homemaker type and this is a huge challenge for me.
- It’s hard to make other stay-at-home mom friends. I meet a lot of other moms, but I rarely really click with them. You picture yourself having play dates, and drinking wine with other moms (and that does happen!) but it takes time. I’ve been staying home for three years and I still only have a few stay-at-home mom friends.
- You don’t have to clean, cook, etc. during nap. Naps can be time that’s just for you! Whether that’s a nap, tv shows, sitting outside, or a side hustle, you should do something that you want to. Clean while your kids are watching. It’s important for them to see that you take care of your things and clean up after yourself.