I know, I know. I had Rosie in July and it is now January and I am just sharing a 4th trimester recap. Well, at least I am doing it! I was with a friend and her newborn over the weekend and all of these memories and feelings came rushing back to me and I wanted to get it all down. The 4th trimester is the first three months of your baby’s life. The time when you are going through some of the most massive changes of your life!
If you remember back several months, I posted Rosie’s birth story. The post ended at us getting sent home from the hospital on July 29th, but what happened next? Three months of joy, stress, exhaustion, learning, and love! Those three months were probably the most difficult months of my life, but I wouldn’t change any of it. I have my Rosie and in the end, it was all worth it.
Physical Recovery
I touched on a bit of this in my postpartum must-have post, but this will be a little bit more in-depth. This is also where it gets kind of gross? No one tells you how long you are going to bleed for. This is because your uterus is shedding all of the blood it had for the past 9 months. I bled for about four weeks. I wore Depends for the first two weeks and then switched to a lighter pad. The Depends were more comfortable and I didn’t like to have to worry about the pad moving around. They also fail to mention that the uterus is trying to go back to its normal size which means lots of cramping! Every time you feed the baby (or pump) you get cramps. It is super painful, and luckily goes away pretty quickly.
I probably didn’t take it as easy as I should have those first few weeks at home. I went on walks, ran errands, went out to eat, went to breweries, I did it all! When I did too much, I would be sore and bleed heavily (ugh, the worst). I don’t necessarily regret it (because I think it was good for me mentally), but something to definitely think about! Try to enjoy all of the time on the couch watching tv and not do too much too early.
This is also a random note on my physical recovery but having a baby GAVE ME HIVES. How wild is that? I had a rash like all over my body for 2 months. It was so bad when Rosie was five days old that I went to Urgent Care. I then made multiple visits to my dermatologist to get steroids and cream and it was terrible. This was honestly the worst part of recovery for me.
Breastfeeding
Rosie and I have had issues with feeding, and so honestly the whole breastfeeding situation was the most stressful part of the 4th trimester. The first difficult part was that we have to use a breastfeeding shield to get her to latch. I don’t have the best nipples (apparently) for breastfeeding and so it’s difficult for her to get a good latch. Because it was difficult to get a good latch, I never got the supply I needed to be able to exclusively breastfeed.
The other difficult part was the “triple feed.” Because I didn’t have the supply and wasn’t able to exclusively breastfeed, the lactation consultant had me doing a “triple feed.” This means that Rosie breastfeeds, then she is given a bottle (of formula or pumped milk), and then I pump. The goal is to give her all the breastmilk I can and then also stimulate more milk production by pumping. This whole experience was exhausting. I was doing this whole routine 12 times a day (and it would take about an hour), so I would only have 1 hour in between to do anything else besides feeding before I had to feed her again. It was crazy!
When Rosie was about 2 months, I gave up the dream of being able to exclusively breastfeed. I stopped pumping unless I was away from her and needed to. It was just too hard on me and not the quality of life I wanted. From then on, it was pretty much breastfeeding every 3 hours and then giving her bottles of formula as needed! I plan to share a whole post on the breastfeeding topic because honestly there is so much there.
Sleep (Or Lack Thereof)
Rosie DID NOT SLEEP. As a newborn, she was staying up essentially the entire night. The Owlet monitor tracks her sleep and she was sleeping 37 minutes THE ENTIRE NIGHT. Not 37 minute stretches, but 37 minutes all added together. Tony and I would take shifts of staying up with her for two hours at a time while the other person slept. I think back on it now and it sounds CRAZY.
After two weeks, we ordered the Snoo (full review of it here) and things improved. That being said, Rosie was not sleeping longer than 3 or 4 hours at a time the entire 4th trimester. This lack of sleep was extremely difficult for me. In hindsight, I should have found ways to sleep more. I think the main struggle was that Rosie wanted to be held all the time and wouldn’t sleep if she wasn’t being held. Because it’s not safe to co-sleep, I just stayed up. I think I should have just let other people hold her and help more? I was just to emotional and too big of a control freak to let that happen!
Emotional Recovery
I am not an emotional person at all, but those first few weeks (or months really!) I was a mess. All of the hormones that have been building up for 9 months come crashing down and really messed me up! I would literally cry about nothing. I think that the sleep deprivation made it 10 times worse, and then the fact that I was having so many issues breastfeeding just made me feel really inadequate and like I wasn’t a good mom. Tony was the best support system during this. He not only made me feel so much better, but helped me with EVERYTHING because I was so overwhelmed. God bless you Tony.
My Mom’s Group
One of the best things I did during the 4th trimester was join a mom’s group. I met with 7 other moms and their babies twice a week and it was honestly so helpful. Prior to this group, I felt really alone (the group started when Rosie was about 4 weeks). I felt like every mom in the world was able to breastfeed and it was just me who couldn’t. I show up the first day and more than half of the moms were in my same boat. It was such a relief to have other moms to talk to about everything!
One thing I would caution is getting caught up in the comparison game. Rosie was doing great but obviously struggled with breastfeeding and sleeping. I tried not to focus on what the other babies were able to do and just focus on me and Rosie, but it’s hard not to compare your journey to others though sometimes!
Getting Used to My New Body
I gained about 35 pounds while pregnant, and by the end of month 3 I had lost about 15 and still had 20 left. As I mentioned, I was on steroids for hives and that makes you gain tons of weight. I think that I would have been down more had I not had that setback? (Sidenote: it’s now been 5 months, and I still have 15 pounds to lose). I try not to dwell too much on this! My body gave me Rosie and I am so proud of what it did and continues to do for her!
I hardly noticed any stretch marks at all throughout pregnancy (I thought I was in the clear!) but then there was a 9 day heat wave right at the end of my pregnancy and I was so swollen. That was the first time I started to notice all of the stretch marks. Then at the hospital I had so much fluid that I got a ton more just in the few days of labor and delivery. The stretch marks have faded a lot but are DEFINITELY still there. I would rather have millions of stretch marks than not have Rosie, so it’s all worth it!
Quitting My Job
I made one of the biggest decisions (of my life honestly) during the 4th trimester and that was quitting my job. After going back and forth about it for weeks and weeks, I just couldn’t make myself go back to work. I would cry (more crying, ha!) about the fact that I might miss something and about how I didn’t want to leave her. I thought about going back part-time or just trying it out for a week weeks, but I couldn’t make myself even do that. But I know that this was the absolute best decision for me. I love being with Rosie full-time!
In Summary
In summary, having a baby and keeping that baby alive the next 3 months is a WILD RIDE. It is honestly an experience that I was not prepared for but that I wouldn’t trade for anything. It was all worth it. Without the trauma, the pain, and the work, I wouldn’t have my sweet Rosie.
If you are a new mom and you are reading this, know that there is no better mom for your baby than you. You are doing a great job. You got this mama!
4th Trimester Must-Haves