The hardest part about infertility for us was the uncertainty. It was difficult, of course, but you do difficult things all the time knowing that the hard work will pay off in the end. Think about studying for a test or prepping for a big meeting. Infertility is doing the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life and not knowing that it will ever be okay.
I have always wanted to be transparent about our infertility journey but could not find the courage or strength to do so while it was going on. I regret that (in a lot of ways) because we felt alone and could have used the support during the hard times. But once we got pregnant, I knew it was my time to share our journey with others.
Not Trying Not To Get Pregnant
Back in July 2017, Tony and I started “not trying not to get pregnant”. At this point, we had been married for two years and it felt right. We had time to enjoy newlywed life and we felt ready for the next step. I had been warned that even with years of taking birth control, it would be possible to get pregnant the first month, so I better be ready! For this reason, we put a lot of thought into when to stop taking birth control. We wanted to feel comfortable that if we were to get pregnant the first time, we were ready!
“When It Happens, It Happens”
I didn’t use kits or chart at all at first. We thought “when it happens, it happens” and tried to stay relaxed about the whole process. Many people said that the more you worry about it, the harder it is to get pregnant, so just relax! But after four months of this (by the end of 2017), we were feeling discouraged. I decided to start using ovulation tests. We wanted to keep the process relaxed, but at the same time, we wanted to optimize our chances of getting pregnant.
Luteal Phase Defect
After using the ovulation tests, I determined that I was getting a LH surge on around day 20 of a 27-day cycle. This is referred to as a luteal phase defect. This means that the embryo only has seven days to implant before your period comes, and ideally (what happens for most women) is that this phase is about 14 days. I reached out to my OBGYN, who was not an infertility specialist, and she suggested I come in for a blood test. Luteal phase defects happen often times because of low levels of progesterone and could mean I’m not ovulating at all. I went in for a blood test and the results showed that ovulation did happen. That was a slight sigh of relief, letting me know that I do ovulate (woo!) She said to keep using the ovulation tests and keep trying.
Research
I began researching ways to naturally lengthen my luteal phase (i.e. move that ovulation date up!) A few sites suggested taking Vitex and also B6, so I ordered those right away. There were a lot of sites that encouraged doing acupuncture to regulate your cycles, so I did that (I have a lot to say about acupuncture and will save it for a separate post!)
Natural Fertility
My natural fertility quest did not end here, I started doing research and found many other ways I could improve my fertility naturally. I started eating a much healthier diet, exercising more, decreased my caffeine and alcohol consumption, and most importantly, eliminated as many toxins from my life as possible. I switched out makeup products, hair products, and cleaning products. Basically, from February 2018 to June 2018, I was on a mission to improve my fertility naturally.
Infertility Labs after 12 Months
By June of 2018, we were coming up on the one-year mark of trying to conceive. Infertility is defined as 12 months or more of trying to get pregnant and not able. At my age (28 at the time), the OBGYN would not start any infertility testing until we had been trying for a year. Toward the end of June 2018, Tony and I both did every test in the book. Some are very expensive, but at this point, we were like “just do it.” Tony’s tests came back “perfect” (the doctor’s words, not mine). My tests were also pretty good. Everything seemed normal (including a good egg reserve), and that combined with my age and good health were all good signs.
HSG Test
The HSG test was the first real indicator that I had fertility issues. The HSG test is done in a hospital by both your OBGYN and a radiologist. They shoot dye up your uterus and see how far the dye goes. The dye went through my left tube no problem but tried to go up the right and came right back down. This meant that my right fallopian tube was fully blocked. The doctor was not super concerned about this. She said that if you have one tube, you can get pregnant.
Drugs and Ovary Issues
My OBGYN’s treatment plan at this point was for me to start taking Femara, which is a fertility drug that stimulates egg production and helps with ovulation issues. You go into the doctor for frequent ultrasounds so that they can see what your ovaries are doing and make sure everything is okay. We ended up doing three rounds of Femara.
First Round
The first round of Femara was the lowest dosage you can take. We took the Femara cycle days 3 through 7 and began taking the ovulation tests on cycle day 10. Because the dosage was low, the OBGYN elected not do any monitoring via ultrasound. We did not get pregnant this cycle. The doctor seemed to think that because I was ovulating later than normal that I should start taking the Femara later in the cycle and up the dosage.
Second Round
The second round of Femara was double the dosage. Because of the higher dosage, we went in for frequent monitoring. After this round of Femara, we learned a few things. First, the ultrasounds showed my right ovary was cut-off from blood supply and is not functioning at all (they could not even find it on an ultrasound). Second, the left ovary (the good one) was hyper-stimulated from the drugs and was huge. If your ovary gets too large, it creates torsion which causes extreme pain, hospitalization, and your ovary to be cut off from blood supply. Because my ovary was so large (and unsafe), the doctor recommended we take a month off from the drugs. We were discouraged because every precious month that went by with nothing happening was a month that we were not getting pregnant.
Third Round
We did our third round of Femara and my ovary was SO LARGE that I had to be put on pelvic rest. It was really scary and for the first time since this whole journey started, I really broke down. Like sobbing tears into my pillow broke down. I thought, not only would we never be able to get pregnant, but my only good ovary was going to get cut off from blood supply and I physically would never be able to have children. My OBGYN was completely out of her league with my case, and frankly, put my life in danger. At this point, we left that office never to return. I’m not going to publicly bash where I went, but if you are local to Minneapolis and want to make sure you are not going here, let me know and I will send you a message.
Next Steps
The next step was an infertility clinic. We made an appointment at the Center for Reproductive Medicine (CRM) on November 2nd with Dr. Casey (a reproductive endocrinologist) for a consultation. Dr. Casey was extremely familiar with my case and had seen cases like this before. We felt super comfortable with her and felt like she knew exactly what to do. She said that based on our scans, charts, and tests we had a 2% chance of conceiving a child naturally.
Finally a Plan!
Dr. Casey created a treatment plan that involved doing Inter-Uterine Insemination (IUI) for a few cycles and then IVF. She suggested we take a month off, November, because my left ovary was still so large (which we were disappointed about) but knew it was for the best. Dr. Casey wanted to get the drugs out of my system, let the ovary return to normal, and then begin treatment with her. The biggest word I can use to describe our appointment with CRM is relief. We FINALLY had a doctor that knew what they were doing, we FINALLY had a plan, and Dr. Casey was super confident about the plan.
Surprise!
Well, in November we got pregnant! It was literally the craziest thing that could have ever happened. We did not do any treatments or drugs, didn’t do any ultrasounds, and we didn’t even take an ovulation test. I know it sounds cliché when people tell you to relax and let it happen when it’s supposed to, but that’s literally what happened. I think we were just so relieved that we were at CRM and so confident that we would get pregnant that we finally relaxed.
In Summary
I want to be transparent about our infertility journey. Infertility is not talked about often, and it’s hard to find detailed accounts of other people’s stories. I hope this post helped or provided hope to those of you in process of becoming parents. Also, I do feel that the natural ways I improved my fertility did help. I cannot possibly say what things worked or didn’t work (because who really knows!) But I also wanted to say that I was not (and still am not) opposed to doing IVF or any other infertility treatments. In fact, had we not ended up pregnant when we did, we could be doing those right now. No two journeys are alike and there is no right or wrong way to become parents.
Stop the Stigma
We’ve been quiet about our journey. We relied solely on each other for an entire year of trying to get pregnant. It wasn’t until the hospital visits, drugs, and unfathomable pain that we told anyone about our journey. If you are struggling, know that I am here for you. I know the pain you are feeling, and you are not alone. Infertility is something that affects 1 in 8 couples, yet NO ONE is talking about it! I felt alone, didn’t know what to do next, and just wanted some advice. I can be that person for you. Please don’t be a stranger!
Love you and Tony